8 Ways to support a friend going through grief

If you have a friend or relative who has experienced a loss and feel helpless not knowing what to do, here are 8 ways you can show them support during this difficult time.

It can be tough finding the right words to say to someone you care about but remaining present and showing compassion can go a long way.

1. Check in on them regularly

Loneliness and isolation is common when going through grief. They may feel like nobody understands what they’re going through or even cares.

Right now, they need a support structure around them. By keeping the connection open through calling, texting or inviting them to grab coffee or a bite to eat, you are able to check in on them and be there for them. Making yourself available also reassures them that they can contact you if they need anything.

2. Understand the grieving process better

The 5 stages of grief begins with denial, then comes anger, bargaining, depression and lastly acceptance. Learning more about what stage they are in will help you gain insight to what they may be experiencing and guides you on how you can support them in a meaningful way.

There is no time limit to how long a person will experience any of the stages of grief, as each person grieves in their own way.

3. Spend less time talking and more time listening

Pay attention to how much you are talking compared to how much you are listening. It is more beneficial for your friend to speak about their feelings than anything else.

By emotionally validating their feelings you are accepting their emotional experience without rejecting, ignoring or judging them.

4. Embrace their tears

In the grieving process, it is important to express deep sadness and allow oneself to cry.

Trying to cheer up your friend or telling them not to cry may seem tempting, but remember that crying is part of the grieving process. They can process their emotions more effectively if you provide them with a safe space to express themselves. Tears are necessary for healing. 

5. Be comfortable with asking questions

Keep an eye on your friend’s self-care, including how they sleep and how much they eat. Consider their emotional state and listen carefully.

They may start sharing happy and meaningful memories of their loved one with you. Don’t be afraid to engage with them and ask them questions, it’s all part of the process.

If they begin to show signs of anxiety, depression, PTSD or other concerning behaviours, suggest seeking advice from a professional.

6. Help with practical matters

When a person is going through grief, at times they tend to neglect their own basic needs.

You can support them by offering to assist them in fulfilling those needs such as cooking for them, running errands, cleaning their house or helping with the laundry.

7. Embrace silence

Grief brings with it a variety of strong emotions, and sometimes a grieving person needs to sit in silence to find peace.

Sitting in silence is hard, especially when your friend is experiencing emotional pain. Rather than filling the silence, give it space. Simply being present is enough. No matter what you say, being there for your friend shows your love and support. It may be more therapeutic than you realize.

8. Keep track of important dates

Every year, grief anniversaries can bring back painful memories of your friend’s loss. You should be mindful that the date of your friend’s loss, as well as holidays and birthdays, can trigger grief symptoms.

Don’t forget to let your friend know that you’re thinking of them. In the aftermath of a loss, people often have good intentions but don’t follow through with staying in touch. It can help to reach out to your grieving friend on anniversaries and holidays to relieve that feeling of loneliness and to let them know that you care about their well-being.

Grief and loss is is a difficult process to go through. If you, a friend or relative is going through grief and need to speak to a professional, visit Conrati to find thousands of mental health care providers. It can be helpful to get the built up emotions and feelings out in a healthy way. One of the benefits of online therapy is that they can connect from the comfort of their home or office.